but wishes, of course, are for children

Depression is starting to settle in again along with panic attacks. I really feel worthless after today’s photo critique, perhaps I should just drop out. I really feel like no one truly really likes me and that I am just there. If Severus wasn’t with me in class I would have burst out in tears. I’m scared to be a senior, scared that when thesis comes around no one will even care to go see mine. I don’t even know what I will do and that scares me. I was proud of two of my photos and to have them ripped apart and not one nice thing to say really makes me feel like shit. I haven’t bawled this hard in a long time and the worst part is I don’t know who to talk to. The depression medication just make me feel nothing but worse. I just want to crawl into bed and never get out. It’s not like people would care that much. I’m scared that I am nothing but failure and pathetic excuse for a human being. I can’t even begin to explain how depressed I really am. I can barely hold down a meal in over a week. I don’t want to eat, don’t want to function and that scares me. It’s even worse that I’m rationing my Xanax to make me ‘feel’ better.

I really am scared. I’m 21 years old and I feel like a complete waste of space. I don’t even know if I have best friends like I should have at this age. Severus listens but he really doesn’t have a choice.

Dammit.

Happy emily is happy :)

^_^

Worst panic attack ever I just don’t know anymore